Missing You

Having a moment right now. A really heavy moment. I'm missing my grandmother and my aunt and I just don't know what to do with these feelings. My grandmother died on August 17, 1995 about a week before I started high school. My aunt died on December 11, 1998, exactly two weeks before Christmas during my senior year of high school. My Grandma was 54. My Aunt was 29. I didn't realize how much I could still miss them so many years later. I didn't know that the same grief that hit me the moment that they were lost to me could hit me with the same intensity over a decade later and have my crying just the same.

Their lives changed mine. Their deaths did too. I loved them deeply. I love them still. I miss them more than words can express. I love them more than I ever had the chance to express. So tonight I wrote about it. It helped a little bit. I cried about it. I guess that helped too. I'm missing them something terrible right now, and quite honestly, I just don't know what to do.

Missing You

Thinking about your smile
Your laugh
The time that we shared
Wishing you were here
To help me relive the memories
That bring such joy to me
The talks in the kitchen
The people watching on the front porch
The video games
And crazy pet names
The understanding
The love
The peace
You
Are gone now
Can't just pick up the phone now
Wish I could
Would pay top dollar
Just to hear your voice
Have you here to help me reason
Through another difficult choice
To share my accomplishments
Hold me in my grief
Would give anything
To have you here with me
Missing you
More than words can express
More than most would know
Missing you
Wanting to touch you
See you
Laugh with you
Even fight with you again
One more I love you
One more hug too
To help me be okay
In the moments like now
When missing you
Makes it hard to get through the day