God Sends Me Emails
We all face challenges in our lives. Some of us started facing those challenges very early on and have been in this fight for a while. Some of us are new to the fighting game and may only be dealing with one of the first few hurdles that are sure to come. Now me, I’ve been in this fight for a minute. From very early on I had a negative self image, daddy issues, relationship issues, you name it. I dealt with a lot before I could understand what I was truly dealing with and I have suffered the consequences more times and in more ways than I even care to count. Throughout these different battles God has consistently found a way of reaching me and helping me through, especially as an adult. It’s funny I can remember praying during many of these battles, and really trying hard to hear from God, because I didn’t have a clue as to what to do. And I remember the utter despair that I felt when I heard nothing. I remember trying to do everything that I could at the time to make me good enough for God to answer me, because obviously, there was a definite reason why he was ignoring me. There had to be something wrong with me. That was the only thing that could explain it. I remember crying daily. I remember the heaviness of the sadness that I felt. I remember the amount of energy that it took to try to smile during those times. I remember all of this so vividly because I seem to be in this place again right now.
I am at a point where I really need to hear God speak. I need clarity on so many things right now that if I tried to write a list it would take me all day to do it. I am crying way more than I would like to, and daily it is getting harder and harder to smile and believe that everything will be okay. I have been wanting so badly to hear from God right now. I really needed guidance for the situations that I am facing. CLARITY would be amazing because I feel as if I am walking around in a fog. I really felt like maybe I wasn’t doing enough so I tried doing more so that God would deem me worthy of an answer, and the only answer that I have gotten was nothing. Despair was beginning to become my new best friend, and quite honestly I was nurturing the relationship.
Then today came, and low and behold God sent me an email! It’s not the first time that he’s done this, and it probably won’t be the last. You see when my life is complicated, it’s that much harder to hear God through the cloud of my crazy and somewhat irrational thoughts. The people around me usually try to help, but often times I just can’t seem to get them to understand what I’m experiencing. More often than not they end up making me feel more crazy for feeling the way that I feel in the moment, so I tend to just stay by myself in these moments. I pray. I cry. I read. I pray some more. I try to force myself to have fun. I give up. I cry. I pray. I read. I cry. I cry. I cry. I quit. And it’s at the point where I quit that God says finally, now that you can hear me, let me tell you what I’ve been trying to say all along. And more often than not he does it through email. Be it some random message from a friend, a quote, or a daily devotional of some kind, when I get to the place of giving up and in essence dying, God springs to the rescue to resuscitate me and to rehabilitate what has been broken through my email. Actually as I think about it, it never fails. I always get an email that is so specific to how I’m feeling and what I’m dealing with that I know that it can be nothing but God speaking directly to me. Now I know many of the emails that I get go out to people in mass, but I also know that on the day where I need it most it comes straight from the heart of God to my inbox and it revives me in a way that nothing else can. And the best part about it is that he does it in a way that he knows will reach me exactly where I’m at. Through my email! I love how he takes the time to love me uniquely. It shows that even when I don’t think that he’s listening, and often times when I honestly believe that he doesn’t care, my issues are important to him. I mean why wouldn’t they be? I am his precious baby girl.
How does God reach you in the darkness? What does he do to let you know that he’s listening? Whatever the case may be, know that he is talking to you in a way that you can understand. Now you make sure that you’re listening.
