Perception vs. Reality

Perception and Reality

I have heard some people say that a person’s perception inevitably becomes their reality. Overtime they become exactly what they think they are, only being able to accomplish the things that they believe that they can, regardless of education, talent, or ability. I am finally beginning to believe that it is true. I can look at my life and the life of many other people and it becomes easy to see how some people fall so far short of their potential. They never believed what others could so readily see as truth about them. They never made it through the insecurity, past the negative of comments, or over the past mistakes. They let all of these affect their self perception in such a way that their obstacles ended up becoming their identity. Suddenly they weren’t smart enough, talented enough, didn’t know the right people, weren’t from the right family, and didn’t have enough money. What could be was overshadowed by what currently was, making what currently was all that there could ever be.

You see this scenario played in out in scripture several times, especially in the Old Testament. Those darn Israelites time and time again let their perception in the natural supersede the reality of who God was and what he was capable of. This caused them to suffer through unnecessary wars, destruction, slavery, and death time and time again. An awesome example of this is found in Numbers 13 and 14. In these chapters The Israelites are in the desert and Moses has sent 12 people to explore the land that God had promised them. Now up until this point these people have seen miracle after miracle performed by God from the time that they were still enslaved in Egypt to them leaving and crossing the Red Sea. He daily was sending them manna from heaven so that they could have food to eat in the desert. He guided them as a cloud by day to shield them from the scorching sun and was a pillar of fire at night to light their path in the darkness and keep them warm. They were basically experiencing a miracle each day of their life. In essence they had absolutely no reason to doubt God or his capabilities.

Well when the scouts came back from checking out the land the people of Israel heard two versions of the same story based on the speaker’s perception. You see the land was everything that God told them it would be. It was fertile and beautiful, a great place to raise a family, grow crops, and have your herds. For them it was truly the land overflowing with milk and honey. However, there was one thing that God didn’t mention when he presented them with the option of moving to this land. It was the fact that there would already be people living there and on top of that fact these weren’t just any people but some of the strongest and most fierce people of their day. Even with seeing who their opposition would be two of the scouts, Caleb and Joshua, focused on the promises of God and therefore their perception of the situation was that although there were currently other people living in the land, if God promised it to them then he could deliver. I’m pretty sure that they knew that in and of themselves they were not capable of defeating all of these people, but they knew that they didn’t have to do it in and of themselves. They had the God of the Universe on their side. As a result, they were ready to go and fight and rightfully claim what God told them was theirs.

The other ten scouts had an altogether different perception on the situation. They focused on the challenge instead of the God that promised to be there with them through every challenge. They couldn’t look past what they were seeing to believe that the future that God had promised them was possible. All they could see was the obstacles and as a result they did their best to convince the people that it would be in their best interest to stay right where they were at instead of venturing further. They just didn’t have enough faith to carry them pass what seemed to be their current reality. It didn’t matter how many times God had proven himself faithful. All that they could see were the seemingly insurmountable obstacles that they were facing.

As a result of their unbelief and their influence they caused the people of Israel to lose their right to venture into the promised land. God was so disappointed in their lack of faith in him that he allowed their perception of the situation to become their reality. They believed that they would never see the promised land and he made it a true a statement for them. The only ones that made were the two that believed that it was possible from the beginning.

All twelve men involved had experienced the same God and they all saw the same thing in the natural when they went on their scouting mission. Perception of the situation is what made the difference in the course of their lives. They all received what they believed was possible from the beginning. The ten that were skeptical and couldn’t see how God could deliver were never given the opportunity to experience God delivering them. The two that believed that God could make a way had the joy of experiencing exactly that. God making a way out of no way to deliver on what he had promised.

Perception can truly become your reality. Make sure that regardless of what you are seeing in then natural you make it a point to believe what God is showing you in the spiritual!

New Year's Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions

Soooooooooo, this is that time of year when people start thinking of all of the stuff that didn’t go right last year and that they want to change for the year to come. They reflect on all of the major situations and they talk about how they want to grow or where they want to go and they make a short or long list depending on the person of how they’re going to get there. I am switching things up this year. I am going to focus on one thing and let it be the driving force behind all of my decisions to the events in my life for the year to come. My resolution is to make each minute better than the last one that I had.

For me it’s just that simple. When you really think about it all you have is the minute that you’re in. The next one may never come. People die in an instant and all of the plans that they had for the year to come will mean nothing. The moment after death is irrelevant. The moment right before though, that is a moment that you can do something with. You can share a little more love, laugh if you feel like, smile for no reason, or cry if you want to. You can pray, praise, or perfect! You can encourage, inspire, and enable. You can do so much with the moment that’s present. Unfortunately, so many people forsake the moment that they’re in for a moment that may never come. They lose all of the possibility of the now, hoping in a future that may be expiring sooner than they think. I don’t want to be that person. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a planner by nature. I will always have some sort of multi-step process in play to get things done. There’s always a method for getting from the point that I’m at the next one on the list. I just don’t want to get so caught up in the plans that the current moment is never lived. That would be a total waste of all of the moments that I am given if I spend all of the current in anticipation of the next. I want to live now, love now, laugh now, enjoy now, work now, grow now, be fully me at my best right now. And if I get another moment, cool. There’s an opportunity to be better.

So that’s the theme for 2011. Make each moment better than the last. I don’t know how many I’ve got. I can’t count the number that I’ve wasted. I vow to make each one count. This is my resolution from here on out!

Honesty

A relationship poem...

What do you do when you love somebody and don’t want to

When you’re haunted by the possibility of them not wanting you

When a thought of life together evokes more fear than cheer

And you’re scared to get close to anyone out of fear that they might hear

Your heart beat change when that person comes around

Therefore letting everyone know that you’re putting on a front

When you force your face to frown

Well maybe it’s not a front

Because you really don’t want them there

Scared that being around them

Will force you to care

Way more than is comfortable

Even though the fact of the matter is

That if you’re really honest you’ll admit that you really want to

And the only thing holding you back

Is that you don’t know if they care about you

If they could potentially be thinking about you too

Wanting to know you

Get close to you

Spend time uninterrupted discovering all of you

The real you

The deep down hidden you

That is really true

And deciding then to love you all the more

Opening what was once thought to be a permanently closed door

To the secret places in your heart

That kept other folks out

Forcing many relationships to never start

Not because there was something wrong with what they could see

But because that person just didn’t possess the right combination of keys

That could unlock all locks

Remove all the chains

Make you want to finally give love a real chance

Even at the risk of pain

Because to love them is to make yourself vulnerable

To open yourself up to pain believed unbearable

If things don’t go the way that you think they should

But being with them makes you think that you could

At least give it a try

Because you finally recognize that you’re not really living

If you spend all of your time afraid to die

And waste so many moments wondering why

He left

Or never came

Replaying past mistakes

Reliving old shame

You see all of it will become irrelevant

If you find out this new love was heaven sent

Especially designed

Created in a way that would bring ease to your mind

Not because loving them is easy

Or even logical

But because being with them could help you imagine the impossible

Things like conquering the world together

Changing lives with your plans

Making other young women up their standards

So they can have that kind of man.

One that makes their heart smile

Even in disappointment

Who can erase old scares better than any Neosporin ointment

Recognizing that your life is changed because of how they love you

And although mathematically impossible makes other recognize that it is logical

To believe that one plus one doesn’t always equal two

But just a greater one

When it’s the two of you brought together

Under the power of the S-O-N SON

Thinking about all of it is enough to make you want to try it

Or at least stop trying to deny it

Because the truth will set you free only if you stop lying about it

And maybe in accepting that truth you will have a chance

To see what could happen if things transitioned and you moved past friendship to romance.

Almost Doesn't Count

I am so glad that almost doesn't count. You see last night...I almost gave up. I almost thew in the towel and just said forget it, this is way too much for the kid, and I just can't fathom dealing with one more thing. I wanted to have a temper tantrum and cry and scream and pout and explain why this just wasn't fair. In the moment it seemed like it was another two steps backwards after trying to take one step forward. I was like, "Really Jesus?!?! Come on dude...what's this all about?" I mean sheesh. Instead of going off of the deep end and doing all of the above. I did the responsible adult thing. I took a deep breath and began working on Plan B because obviously plan A was not going to be as successful as I had hoped.

It was while working on Plan B that God reminded me that He should be the only Plan! I hadn't consulted him before I got into Plan A, and therefore I shouldn't have been surprised when it didn't work out the way that I thought it should. I mean that is what generally happens when I try to do things my own way. They never quite work out for the kid. I have a knack for messing myself up in a major way when I go it alone. That's probably why God has made himself available for me to talk to and to hear from before I make decisions. He knew from jump that I wouldn't be able to go this thing alone and end up with positive results. He also knew that this would end in a not so favorable manner. But most importantly, he knew that I would need to be reminded about the future that he's promised me in order to be okay after all of this...an that's what stopped me from quitting.

I mean this isn't the first time that my plans haven't worked out, and if I'm honest, I know that it probably won't be the last. Lord knows that I am sometimes a little too independent for my own good, and therefore I will sometimes end up in these types of situations. It's in these moments that God will remind me of where my life used to be in comparison to where it is now. Then he will take it one step further and remind me of what's to come. That is when I usually realize that giving up isn't really an option. It never had been and it never would be for me. To give up would be to tell God to keep his promises to himself because I didn't want them. That would clearly be the dumbest move ever, and I'm not one for being dumb!

So I am so very thankful that almost doesn't count. Almost giving in to the desire to quit was not enough to get me off track. Almost couldn't keep God's promises at bay. Almost didn't prevent me from walking into my promised land. Almost actually helped me. It helped me to know that I am headed in the right direction. The road is sometimes difficult, definitely unfamiliar, sometimes scary, sometimes lonely, but definitely min and I know that Jesus is on this road with me. Thank you Lord for the journey...even the parts that I didn't expect. And more importantly, thank you Lord that almost really doesn't count.

Missing You

Having a moment right now. A really heavy moment. I'm missing my grandmother and my aunt and I just don't know what to do with these feelings. My grandmother died on August 17, 1995 about a week before I started high school. My aunt died on December 11, 1998, exactly two weeks before Christmas during my senior year of high school. My Grandma was 54. My Aunt was 29. I didn't realize how much I could still miss them so many years later. I didn't know that the same grief that hit me the moment that they were lost to me could hit me with the same intensity over a decade later and have my crying just the same.

Their lives changed mine. Their deaths did too. I loved them deeply. I love them still. I miss them more than words can express. I love them more than I ever had the chance to express. So tonight I wrote about it. It helped a little bit. I cried about it. I guess that helped too. I'm missing them something terrible right now, and quite honestly, I just don't know what to do.

Missing You

Thinking about your smile
Your laugh
The time that we shared
Wishing you were here
To help me relive the memories
That bring such joy to me
The talks in the kitchen
The people watching on the front porch
The video games
And crazy pet names
The understanding
The love
The peace
You
Are gone now
Can't just pick up the phone now
Wish I could
Would pay top dollar
Just to hear your voice
Have you here to help me reason
Through another difficult choice
To share my accomplishments
Hold me in my grief
Would give anything
To have you here with me
Missing you
More than words can express
More than most would know
Missing you
Wanting to touch you
See you
Laugh with you
Even fight with you again
One more I love you
One more hug too
To help me be okay
In the moments like now
When missing you
Makes it hard to get through the day

Self Sabotage

Have you ever gotten to a point in life when you were on the edge of something great...maybe even life changing? You know, it's that moment when you knew that sooner rather than later your star was going to sky rocket into the stratosphere and the things that you'd been working on were going to be on the front page instead of floating around in the background. If you've been there, what did you do? If you haven't been there already, what do you think would happen when you were on the verge of greatness?

Well, I've been there. I'm actually there right now, and my first instinct isn't to celebrate, get excited, or even prepare for what's coming. My first instinct is to mess it all up before it can ever happen! I know, I know...you're probably saying, "What in the world is this chick thinking?" Believe you me, I have asked myself the very same question. But this is a familiar pattern for me. When I get close to crossing the line from obscurity into well known I do my best to mess it up or get off track. Something about the spotlight freaks me out in a major way. I love the things that I do, and I don't really want other people to know about them. I don't do those things to get noticed, I do them simply because I love them and I believe in them. I don't volunteer with the homeless so people can say, "Oh look at what she's doing." I volunteer with the homeless because I genuinely love them and honestly believe that is what God wants me to do. I don't work with kids and develop programming so people can see it, I do it because those kids mean the world to me and God has placed a burden on my heart to educate the next generation. I have a wonderful life where I daily get to work on things that mean so much to me. God has blessed me so much because he has allowed me to focus on things that I already genuinely adore doing.

You see, the spotlight scares me. I don't crave it or want any parts of it. I've seen really great people get really messed up in their thought process because they started to get a little attention for what they were doing. Folks who were totally focused on God, became totally focused on self. Those that were all about their mission and project began to compromise the very thing that got them noticed in the first place for a little more time in the limelight. Then for others the thing that they loved the most became their biggest burden and eventually the thing that they absolutely hated doing. I don't want to be any one of those people.

I don't want the joy taken out of serving my homeless friends, or the laughter removed from my after school program. I don't want to be consumed with making more money or having more things. I don't want to live a life where I suddenly forget how blessed I am and from whom the blessings come. I don't want to become the center of my life because I already know that I am not big enough to fill that position.

So to avoid all of the things that I don't want, I try to stop myself from ever making it out of obscurity by doing just enough foolishness to stop God's blessings in my life. This is funny because most of things that many would assume that I would do aren't even an option for me. I truly have been changed and I just can't going back to being "that" girl anymore. I instead do what I consider "simple things." Little stuff like taking my time in following a direction that God has given me, attempting to hold on to a grudge a few days longer that I know that I'm supposed to. Not writing or speaking when it's clear that he has given me something to say. Involving myself in a relationship that I know is going nowhere and doing nothing other than taking my time and attention away from what I know that I should be focused on.

This is how I try to stop God's plan for my life. This is the art of self sabotage for me. What's funny is that now even a lot of these plans aren't working. God is creating such a disgust for these "simple sins" that it is making it nearly impossible for me to carry any of my self sabotage plans out. I'll be honest and let you know that this is really scaring me. You see this means that the things that God has for me to do are really important. So important that he won't even let me stop myself. I just wished that he would sometimes play by my rules. I wish that he would understand that it's not that I don't want to do everything that he's called me to do, but I'm scared of the type of person that I may become as a result.

I guess there are some things that God wants me to understand too. Things like, I will probably be okay and He knows what I can handle. Just maybe, He knows that I am not at risk of turning into any of those people that I mentioned earlier because of what he's built into my life. He knows what he can trust me with. He knows where I'll end up, and He's clearly proven to me time and time again that he won't let me get too far off the narrow road that he created just for me.

I need to make a decision today. A decision to either stop fighting God or blindly go wherever it is that he's leading me, or a decision to stop playing games and just walk away. I guess when I look at it like that there is no real decision to make. Here I am Lord, send me.

Something Happened

August 3, 2010 1:08 a.m.

Something just happened to me. I can't really explain it, but I will do my best. I had an encounter with God. I had a moment with the Holy Spirit that has changed my trajectory, FOREVER! No one would say that I was heading in a bad direction before this moment. For all intents and purposes, most people would say that I was right on track, heading in the direction that God wanted me to go. No one would argue against my love for Him, my dedication to Him, or my desire to see His Kingdom come. But I wasn't surrendered fully. I wasn't trusting completely. I was ready to do whatever in the future, but I couldn't completely promise Him my right now. THAT HAS CHANGED! God is my every thing! Nothing is more important than He is. I have promised Him whatever He wants. I have given over all of my rights. I HAVE GIVEN MYSELF AWAY, and I don't want me back!

Does this scare me? Absolutely! I don't know if I'm going to wake up in the morning with an overwhelming impression to walk away from my job, sale my car, move, give away all of my clothes, fast for 40 days, apologize to people that have hurt me, sacrifice more of the time that I don't have, forego sleep, or whatever. I HAVE NO CLUE what is about to happen in my life. I am totally freaked out! All I know is that as long as God is leading me, I will go. My new matra for life is HERE I AM, SEND ME!

People are hurting...HERE I AM, SEND ME. Children aren't being educated...HERE I AM, SEND ME. There are people with no clothes...HERE I AM, SEND ME. People don't know what it's like to feel the love of Christ...HERE I AM, SEND ME. There are not enough volunteers...HERE I AM, SEND ME. Ghettos, prisons, developing countries, orphanages, hospitals, schools, families, churches, subdivisions, homeless shelters, city streets, developing countries, Muslim nations, atheists, indigenous tribes, strip clubs, formal affairs, corporate America, White House, libraries, Oprah, alleys, it doesn't matter...HERE I AM, SEND ME!

Nothing is too much for Him to ask of me, and when it feels like it is, I pray that God help me to remember this quote, "When it feels like God is asking too much of you, remember what He first asked of Himself."