Day 4: 31 Days to Reset Your Life

I posted my Day 1 and then I kept 2 and 3 a little more private. I am back again to post Day 4. I found this exercise interesting, and I honestly don't believe that my list is complete. I think that it's just as complete as it's gonna get for tonight/this morning. So here goes.

Part 1: Make a list of the things that you value:

Love, serving, mentoring, teaching, giving, caring for others, encouraging, Jesus, adventure, faith, learning, friendship, family, being carefree, truth, integrity, genuineness, having my own family, missions, community, children, fulfillment, purpose, wealth, health, creativity, laughter, fun, freedom, travel

Part 2: Create a Reset 10 of your Top 10 values from the previous list. (I listed mine in no particular order outside of Jesus truly being first.)

Jesus

Teaching

Genuineness

Purpose

Faith

Love

Serving

Learning

Community

Friendship

This was definitely an interesting assignment and it really got me thinking. I think I'm going to end up adding more to the list as the week goes on. I guess, we'll see what happens.

If you're interested in learning more about this assignment and the actual #31daystoreset program that it's a part of, go here: http://happyblackwoman.com/identify-your-values/#comment-66261

Happy Resetting Folks!

Love,

K. Denise

I'M BACK!

So...it's been a LONG time since I've posted anything on this nifty little blog. Doesn't mean that I haven't had things post worthy, because Lord knows that I have. For whatever reason I just hadn't gotten around to posting them.

In an effort to get me back to blogging I am going to be posting some of my personal findings from my 31 Days to Reset journey in this space. Maybe you'll see something worth noting. Maybe you'll decide to join in on the journey. I've never done anything like this before, but there is a first time for everything! Here's to fresh starts!

Day 1: I chose a small purple notebook with purple sequins sewn across the front of it to be my 31 day journey notebook. I chose this particular notebook for a couple of reasons:

1) It's small enough to fit into my purse.

2) It's purple and purple is my absolute FAVORITE color!

3) The sequins make it sparkly, and well I'm kind of sparkly so I think that it's a match made in heaven!

2. My mantra for this journey is one of my favorite quotes from Mother Teresa. "I am a little pencil in the hands of a writing God that is sending a love letter to the world." My life and everything in it should be used to show people that God loves them.

3. My theme song for this journey is "I Was Here" by Beyonce. There is just something about that song that speaks to me and what I want my life to represent when it's all said and done. I want people to know that I was here and that my life has made a difference.

Well that completes Day 1 folks! I hope that you enjoyed what you read!

Peace and Blessings!

K. Denise

Perception vs. Reality

Perception and Reality

I have heard some people say that a person’s perception inevitably becomes their reality. Overtime they become exactly what they think they are, only being able to accomplish the things that they believe that they can, regardless of education, talent, or ability. I am finally beginning to believe that it is true. I can look at my life and the life of many other people and it becomes easy to see how some people fall so far short of their potential. They never believed what others could so readily see as truth about them. They never made it through the insecurity, past the negative of comments, or over the past mistakes. They let all of these affect their self perception in such a way that their obstacles ended up becoming their identity. Suddenly they weren’t smart enough, talented enough, didn’t know the right people, weren’t from the right family, and didn’t have enough money. What could be was overshadowed by what currently was, making what currently was all that there could ever be.

You see this scenario played in out in scripture several times, especially in the Old Testament. Those darn Israelites time and time again let their perception in the natural supersede the reality of who God was and what he was capable of. This caused them to suffer through unnecessary wars, destruction, slavery, and death time and time again. An awesome example of this is found in Numbers 13 and 14. In these chapters The Israelites are in the desert and Moses has sent 12 people to explore the land that God had promised them. Now up until this point these people have seen miracle after miracle performed by God from the time that they were still enslaved in Egypt to them leaving and crossing the Red Sea. He daily was sending them manna from heaven so that they could have food to eat in the desert. He guided them as a cloud by day to shield them from the scorching sun and was a pillar of fire at night to light their path in the darkness and keep them warm. They were basically experiencing a miracle each day of their life. In essence they had absolutely no reason to doubt God or his capabilities.

Well when the scouts came back from checking out the land the people of Israel heard two versions of the same story based on the speaker’s perception. You see the land was everything that God told them it would be. It was fertile and beautiful, a great place to raise a family, grow crops, and have your herds. For them it was truly the land overflowing with milk and honey. However, there was one thing that God didn’t mention when he presented them with the option of moving to this land. It was the fact that there would already be people living there and on top of that fact these weren’t just any people but some of the strongest and most fierce people of their day. Even with seeing who their opposition would be two of the scouts, Caleb and Joshua, focused on the promises of God and therefore their perception of the situation was that although there were currently other people living in the land, if God promised it to them then he could deliver. I’m pretty sure that they knew that in and of themselves they were not capable of defeating all of these people, but they knew that they didn’t have to do it in and of themselves. They had the God of the Universe on their side. As a result, they were ready to go and fight and rightfully claim what God told them was theirs.

The other ten scouts had an altogether different perception on the situation. They focused on the challenge instead of the God that promised to be there with them through every challenge. They couldn’t look past what they were seeing to believe that the future that God had promised them was possible. All they could see was the obstacles and as a result they did their best to convince the people that it would be in their best interest to stay right where they were at instead of venturing further. They just didn’t have enough faith to carry them pass what seemed to be their current reality. It didn’t matter how many times God had proven himself faithful. All that they could see were the seemingly insurmountable obstacles that they were facing.

As a result of their unbelief and their influence they caused the people of Israel to lose their right to venture into the promised land. God was so disappointed in their lack of faith in him that he allowed their perception of the situation to become their reality. They believed that they would never see the promised land and he made it a true a statement for them. The only ones that made were the two that believed that it was possible from the beginning.

All twelve men involved had experienced the same God and they all saw the same thing in the natural when they went on their scouting mission. Perception of the situation is what made the difference in the course of their lives. They all received what they believed was possible from the beginning. The ten that were skeptical and couldn’t see how God could deliver were never given the opportunity to experience God delivering them. The two that believed that God could make a way had the joy of experiencing exactly that. God making a way out of no way to deliver on what he had promised.

Perception can truly become your reality. Make sure that regardless of what you are seeing in then natural you make it a point to believe what God is showing you in the spiritual!

New Year's Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions

Soooooooooo, this is that time of year when people start thinking of all of the stuff that didn’t go right last year and that they want to change for the year to come. They reflect on all of the major situations and they talk about how they want to grow or where they want to go and they make a short or long list depending on the person of how they’re going to get there. I am switching things up this year. I am going to focus on one thing and let it be the driving force behind all of my decisions to the events in my life for the year to come. My resolution is to make each minute better than the last one that I had.

For me it’s just that simple. When you really think about it all you have is the minute that you’re in. The next one may never come. People die in an instant and all of the plans that they had for the year to come will mean nothing. The moment after death is irrelevant. The moment right before though, that is a moment that you can do something with. You can share a little more love, laugh if you feel like, smile for no reason, or cry if you want to. You can pray, praise, or perfect! You can encourage, inspire, and enable. You can do so much with the moment that’s present. Unfortunately, so many people forsake the moment that they’re in for a moment that may never come. They lose all of the possibility of the now, hoping in a future that may be expiring sooner than they think. I don’t want to be that person. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a planner by nature. I will always have some sort of multi-step process in play to get things done. There’s always a method for getting from the point that I’m at the next one on the list. I just don’t want to get so caught up in the plans that the current moment is never lived. That would be a total waste of all of the moments that I am given if I spend all of the current in anticipation of the next. I want to live now, love now, laugh now, enjoy now, work now, grow now, be fully me at my best right now. And if I get another moment, cool. There’s an opportunity to be better.

So that’s the theme for 2011. Make each moment better than the last. I don’t know how many I’ve got. I can’t count the number that I’ve wasted. I vow to make each one count. This is my resolution from here on out!

Honesty

A relationship poem...

What do you do when you love somebody and don’t want to

When you’re haunted by the possibility of them not wanting you

When a thought of life together evokes more fear than cheer

And you’re scared to get close to anyone out of fear that they might hear

Your heart beat change when that person comes around

Therefore letting everyone know that you’re putting on a front

When you force your face to frown

Well maybe it’s not a front

Because you really don’t want them there

Scared that being around them

Will force you to care

Way more than is comfortable

Even though the fact of the matter is

That if you’re really honest you’ll admit that you really want to

And the only thing holding you back

Is that you don’t know if they care about you

If they could potentially be thinking about you too

Wanting to know you

Get close to you

Spend time uninterrupted discovering all of you

The real you

The deep down hidden you

That is really true

And deciding then to love you all the more

Opening what was once thought to be a permanently closed door

To the secret places in your heart

That kept other folks out

Forcing many relationships to never start

Not because there was something wrong with what they could see

But because that person just didn’t possess the right combination of keys

That could unlock all locks

Remove all the chains

Make you want to finally give love a real chance

Even at the risk of pain

Because to love them is to make yourself vulnerable

To open yourself up to pain believed unbearable

If things don’t go the way that you think they should

But being with them makes you think that you could

At least give it a try

Because you finally recognize that you’re not really living

If you spend all of your time afraid to die

And waste so many moments wondering why

He left

Or never came

Replaying past mistakes

Reliving old shame

You see all of it will become irrelevant

If you find out this new love was heaven sent

Especially designed

Created in a way that would bring ease to your mind

Not because loving them is easy

Or even logical

But because being with them could help you imagine the impossible

Things like conquering the world together

Changing lives with your plans

Making other young women up their standards

So they can have that kind of man.

One that makes their heart smile

Even in disappointment

Who can erase old scares better than any Neosporin ointment

Recognizing that your life is changed because of how they love you

And although mathematically impossible makes other recognize that it is logical

To believe that one plus one doesn’t always equal two

But just a greater one

When it’s the two of you brought together

Under the power of the S-O-N SON

Thinking about all of it is enough to make you want to try it

Or at least stop trying to deny it

Because the truth will set you free only if you stop lying about it

And maybe in accepting that truth you will have a chance

To see what could happen if things transitioned and you moved past friendship to romance.

Almost Doesn't Count

I am so glad that almost doesn't count. You see last night...I almost gave up. I almost thew in the towel and just said forget it, this is way too much for the kid, and I just can't fathom dealing with one more thing. I wanted to have a temper tantrum and cry and scream and pout and explain why this just wasn't fair. In the moment it seemed like it was another two steps backwards after trying to take one step forward. I was like, "Really Jesus?!?! Come on dude...what's this all about?" I mean sheesh. Instead of going off of the deep end and doing all of the above. I did the responsible adult thing. I took a deep breath and began working on Plan B because obviously plan A was not going to be as successful as I had hoped.

It was while working on Plan B that God reminded me that He should be the only Plan! I hadn't consulted him before I got into Plan A, and therefore I shouldn't have been surprised when it didn't work out the way that I thought it should. I mean that is what generally happens when I try to do things my own way. They never quite work out for the kid. I have a knack for messing myself up in a major way when I go it alone. That's probably why God has made himself available for me to talk to and to hear from before I make decisions. He knew from jump that I wouldn't be able to go this thing alone and end up with positive results. He also knew that this would end in a not so favorable manner. But most importantly, he knew that I would need to be reminded about the future that he's promised me in order to be okay after all of this...an that's what stopped me from quitting.

I mean this isn't the first time that my plans haven't worked out, and if I'm honest, I know that it probably won't be the last. Lord knows that I am sometimes a little too independent for my own good, and therefore I will sometimes end up in these types of situations. It's in these moments that God will remind me of where my life used to be in comparison to where it is now. Then he will take it one step further and remind me of what's to come. That is when I usually realize that giving up isn't really an option. It never had been and it never would be for me. To give up would be to tell God to keep his promises to himself because I didn't want them. That would clearly be the dumbest move ever, and I'm not one for being dumb!

So I am so very thankful that almost doesn't count. Almost giving in to the desire to quit was not enough to get me off track. Almost couldn't keep God's promises at bay. Almost didn't prevent me from walking into my promised land. Almost actually helped me. It helped me to know that I am headed in the right direction. The road is sometimes difficult, definitely unfamiliar, sometimes scary, sometimes lonely, but definitely min and I know that Jesus is on this road with me. Thank you Lord for the journey...even the parts that I didn't expect. And more importantly, thank you Lord that almost really doesn't count.

Missing You

Having a moment right now. A really heavy moment. I'm missing my grandmother and my aunt and I just don't know what to do with these feelings. My grandmother died on August 17, 1995 about a week before I started high school. My aunt died on December 11, 1998, exactly two weeks before Christmas during my senior year of high school. My Grandma was 54. My Aunt was 29. I didn't realize how much I could still miss them so many years later. I didn't know that the same grief that hit me the moment that they were lost to me could hit me with the same intensity over a decade later and have my crying just the same.

Their lives changed mine. Their deaths did too. I loved them deeply. I love them still. I miss them more than words can express. I love them more than I ever had the chance to express. So tonight I wrote about it. It helped a little bit. I cried about it. I guess that helped too. I'm missing them something terrible right now, and quite honestly, I just don't know what to do.

Missing You

Thinking about your smile
Your laugh
The time that we shared
Wishing you were here
To help me relive the memories
That bring such joy to me
The talks in the kitchen
The people watching on the front porch
The video games
And crazy pet names
The understanding
The love
The peace
You
Are gone now
Can't just pick up the phone now
Wish I could
Would pay top dollar
Just to hear your voice
Have you here to help me reason
Through another difficult choice
To share my accomplishments
Hold me in my grief
Would give anything
To have you here with me
Missing you
More than words can express
More than most would know
Missing you
Wanting to touch you
See you
Laugh with you
Even fight with you again
One more I love you
One more hug too
To help me be okay
In the moments like now
When missing you
Makes it hard to get through the day

Self Sabotage

Have you ever gotten to a point in life when you were on the edge of something great...maybe even life changing? You know, it's that moment when you knew that sooner rather than later your star was going to sky rocket into the stratosphere and the things that you'd been working on were going to be on the front page instead of floating around in the background. If you've been there, what did you do? If you haven't been there already, what do you think would happen when you were on the verge of greatness?

Well, I've been there. I'm actually there right now, and my first instinct isn't to celebrate, get excited, or even prepare for what's coming. My first instinct is to mess it all up before it can ever happen! I know, I know...you're probably saying, "What in the world is this chick thinking?" Believe you me, I have asked myself the very same question. But this is a familiar pattern for me. When I get close to crossing the line from obscurity into well known I do my best to mess it up or get off track. Something about the spotlight freaks me out in a major way. I love the things that I do, and I don't really want other people to know about them. I don't do those things to get noticed, I do them simply because I love them and I believe in them. I don't volunteer with the homeless so people can say, "Oh look at what she's doing." I volunteer with the homeless because I genuinely love them and honestly believe that is what God wants me to do. I don't work with kids and develop programming so people can see it, I do it because those kids mean the world to me and God has placed a burden on my heart to educate the next generation. I have a wonderful life where I daily get to work on things that mean so much to me. God has blessed me so much because he has allowed me to focus on things that I already genuinely adore doing.

You see, the spotlight scares me. I don't crave it or want any parts of it. I've seen really great people get really messed up in their thought process because they started to get a little attention for what they were doing. Folks who were totally focused on God, became totally focused on self. Those that were all about their mission and project began to compromise the very thing that got them noticed in the first place for a little more time in the limelight. Then for others the thing that they loved the most became their biggest burden and eventually the thing that they absolutely hated doing. I don't want to be any one of those people.

I don't want the joy taken out of serving my homeless friends, or the laughter removed from my after school program. I don't want to be consumed with making more money or having more things. I don't want to live a life where I suddenly forget how blessed I am and from whom the blessings come. I don't want to become the center of my life because I already know that I am not big enough to fill that position.

So to avoid all of the things that I don't want, I try to stop myself from ever making it out of obscurity by doing just enough foolishness to stop God's blessings in my life. This is funny because most of things that many would assume that I would do aren't even an option for me. I truly have been changed and I just can't going back to being "that" girl anymore. I instead do what I consider "simple things." Little stuff like taking my time in following a direction that God has given me, attempting to hold on to a grudge a few days longer that I know that I'm supposed to. Not writing or speaking when it's clear that he has given me something to say. Involving myself in a relationship that I know is going nowhere and doing nothing other than taking my time and attention away from what I know that I should be focused on.

This is how I try to stop God's plan for my life. This is the art of self sabotage for me. What's funny is that now even a lot of these plans aren't working. God is creating such a disgust for these "simple sins" that it is making it nearly impossible for me to carry any of my self sabotage plans out. I'll be honest and let you know that this is really scaring me. You see this means that the things that God has for me to do are really important. So important that he won't even let me stop myself. I just wished that he would sometimes play by my rules. I wish that he would understand that it's not that I don't want to do everything that he's called me to do, but I'm scared of the type of person that I may become as a result.

I guess there are some things that God wants me to understand too. Things like, I will probably be okay and He knows what I can handle. Just maybe, He knows that I am not at risk of turning into any of those people that I mentioned earlier because of what he's built into my life. He knows what he can trust me with. He knows where I'll end up, and He's clearly proven to me time and time again that he won't let me get too far off the narrow road that he created just for me.

I need to make a decision today. A decision to either stop fighting God or blindly go wherever it is that he's leading me, or a decision to stop playing games and just walk away. I guess when I look at it like that there is no real decision to make. Here I am Lord, send me.

Something Happened

August 3, 2010 1:08 a.m.

Something just happened to me. I can't really explain it, but I will do my best. I had an encounter with God. I had a moment with the Holy Spirit that has changed my trajectory, FOREVER! No one would say that I was heading in a bad direction before this moment. For all intents and purposes, most people would say that I was right on track, heading in the direction that God wanted me to go. No one would argue against my love for Him, my dedication to Him, or my desire to see His Kingdom come. But I wasn't surrendered fully. I wasn't trusting completely. I was ready to do whatever in the future, but I couldn't completely promise Him my right now. THAT HAS CHANGED! God is my every thing! Nothing is more important than He is. I have promised Him whatever He wants. I have given over all of my rights. I HAVE GIVEN MYSELF AWAY, and I don't want me back!

Does this scare me? Absolutely! I don't know if I'm going to wake up in the morning with an overwhelming impression to walk away from my job, sale my car, move, give away all of my clothes, fast for 40 days, apologize to people that have hurt me, sacrifice more of the time that I don't have, forego sleep, or whatever. I HAVE NO CLUE what is about to happen in my life. I am totally freaked out! All I know is that as long as God is leading me, I will go. My new matra for life is HERE I AM, SEND ME!

People are hurting...HERE I AM, SEND ME. Children aren't being educated...HERE I AM, SEND ME. There are people with no clothes...HERE I AM, SEND ME. People don't know what it's like to feel the love of Christ...HERE I AM, SEND ME. There are not enough volunteers...HERE I AM, SEND ME. Ghettos, prisons, developing countries, orphanages, hospitals, schools, families, churches, subdivisions, homeless shelters, city streets, developing countries, Muslim nations, atheists, indigenous tribes, strip clubs, formal affairs, corporate America, White House, libraries, Oprah, alleys, it doesn't matter...HERE I AM, SEND ME!

Nothing is too much for Him to ask of me, and when it feels like it is, I pray that God help me to remember this quote, "When it feels like God is asking too much of you, remember what He first asked of Himself."

God Sends Me Emails

God Sends Me Emails

We all face challenges in our lives. Some of us started facing those challenges very early on and have been in this fight for a while. Some of us are new to the fighting game and may only be dealing with one of the first few hurdles that are sure to come. Now me, I’ve been in this fight for a minute. From very early on I had a negative self image, daddy issues, relationship issues, you name it. I dealt with a lot before I could understand what I was truly dealing with and I have suffered the consequences more times and in more ways than I even care to count. Throughout these different battles God has consistently found a way of reaching me and helping me through, especially as an adult. It’s funny I can remember praying during many of these battles, and really trying hard to hear from God, because I didn’t have a clue as to what to do. And I remember the utter despair that I felt when I heard nothing. I remember trying to do everything that I could at the time to make me good enough for God to answer me, because obviously, there was a definite reason why he was ignoring me. There had to be something wrong with me. That was the only thing that could explain it. I remember crying daily. I remember the heaviness of the sadness that I felt. I remember the amount of energy that it took to try to smile during those times. I remember all of this so vividly because I seem to be in this place again right now.

I am at a point where I really need to hear God speak. I need clarity on so many things right now that if I tried to write a list it would take me all day to do it. I am crying way more than I would like to, and daily it is getting harder and harder to smile and believe that everything will be okay. I have been wanting so badly to hear from God right now. I really needed guidance for the situations that I am facing. CLARITY would be amazing because I feel as if I am walking around in a fog. I really felt like maybe I wasn’t doing enough so I tried doing more so that God would deem me worthy of an answer, and the only answer that I have gotten was nothing. Despair was beginning to become my new best friend, and quite honestly I was nurturing the relationship.

Then today came, and low and behold God sent me an email! It’s not the first time that he’s done this, and it probably won’t be the last. You see when my life is complicated, it’s that much harder to hear God through the cloud of my crazy and somewhat irrational thoughts. The people around me usually try to help, but often times I just can’t seem to get them to understand what I’m experiencing. More often than not they end up making me feel more crazy for feeling the way that I feel in the moment, so I tend to just stay by myself in these moments. I pray. I cry. I read. I pray some more. I try to force myself to have fun. I give up. I cry. I pray. I read. I cry. I cry. I cry. I quit. And it’s at the point where I quit that God says finally, now that you can hear me, let me tell you what I’ve been trying to say all along. And more often than not he does it through email. Be it some random message from a friend, a quote, or a daily devotional of some kind, when I get to the place of giving up and in essence dying, God springs to the rescue to resuscitate me and to rehabilitate what has been broken through my email. Actually as I think about it, it never fails. I always get an email that is so specific to how I’m feeling and what I’m dealing with that I know that it can be nothing but God speaking directly to me. Now I know many of the emails that I get go out to people in mass, but I also know that on the day where I need it most it comes straight from the heart of God to my inbox and it revives me in a way that nothing else can. And the best part about it is that he does it in a way that he knows will reach me exactly where I’m at. Through my email! I love how he takes the time to love me uniquely. It shows that even when I don’t think that he’s listening, and often times when I honestly believe that he doesn’t care, my issues are important to him. I mean why wouldn’t they be? I am his precious baby girl.

How does God reach you in the darkness? What does he do to let you know that he’s listening? Whatever the case may be, know that he is talking to you in a way that you can understand. Now you make sure that you’re listening.

The Eve of my 29th Birthday

In less than 24 hours I will be 29 years old! That is so crazy to me. My life is totally not what I thought that it would be at this point, but I think I love it none the less. I thank God for placing me where I am. I thank God for giving me a heart to serve him and his people. I thank God for amazing friends that bring joy to my life. I even thank God for the trails that I’ve gone through that have helped me to become who he destined for me to be. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has definitely been worth it. As I look at my future I know without a shadow of a doubt that some amazing things are about to pop off! I mean really. And I’ll be the first to admit that I honestly don’t know how much time I have left to see this stuff happen, but I do know that my legacy will be great! This year is special for me. It means a lot for various reasons, but the main one is because I have aunt that died at 29, almost exactly 3 months after her birthday. I am currently about to embark on a year that she never got to fully explore. The crazy thing is, I remember teasing her on her 29th birthday and telling her that this was the last year she would be able to call my mother old because the next year she would be in her thirties too. Her response was how do you know that I’m going to be here next year. It didn’t really resonate with me in the moment, but 3 months later it made perfect sense. My aunt recognized something at 29 that I didn’t fully get at 17. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to be there for anyone!
What does that mean for me? First of all, it helps me to once again recognize that every day is not promised. Secondly, it lights a fire under my tail to do all that God has for me to do, while I have the chance to do it. Thirdly, it reminds me that life is too short to not have as much joy as possible in it! So today, on the eve of my 29th birthday I commit to the following things in no particular order:

1. Smiling as much as I can, for as long as I can, as hard as I can!
2. Laughing every chance that I get!
3. Crying when I need to regardless of who’s around or what they might say.
4. Doing something each day to let someone know that I love them.
5. Spending time with the people that mean the most to me in the midst of pursuing all that
God has for me
6. Live with reckless abandon for God, leaving fear behind
7. Sharing my gifts with as many people as possible, as often as possible!
8. Loving freely those that will allow me to love them!
9. Learning from the hard lessons so that I don’t have to repeat them
10. Enjoying every moment for what it is worth recognizing that nothing is all bad or all good!
11. Write as often as I can
12. Take every opportunity to share the knowledge that God has given
13. Live freely as me regardless of the judgment that might ensue as a result
14. Travel when the opportunity presents itself
15. Go out when I want to regardless of whether or not someone can or wants to go with me
16. Learning from the mistakes of others because I don’t have time to make them all myself
17. Daily make the choice to love me unconditionally
18. Take every opportunity to encourage those around me
19. Consistently take time to stop and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation!
20. Affirming myself daily
21. Putting pictures in my scrapbook
22. Doing more arts and crafts
23. Listening to different music artists in genres that I enjoy
24. Giving more because every little bit counts
25. Shopping less because I can’t take any of it with me
26. Becoming healthier still
27. Resolving conflict quickly
28. Setting weekly goals
29. Going to bed each night empty of all that God has given me for the day!

Words from the Heart Part 1

So I absolutely adore India.Arie! Her music really speaks to me. It's like she's taken all of my thoughts and turned them into some of the tightest songs with the most beautiful melodies. I can find an India song for everything that I deal with. I pick a theme song off of each of her albums based upon where I'm at in life in the moment. I've never had an artist that I could identify with on this level. As a result she would have to definitely be considered one of my favorites, if not my absolute favorite artist! So I took a couple of my most favoritist (I know that's not a word, but I refuse to explain it any other way) lines from some of her songs and I figured that I would share them with you! Happy Reading!

I choose to be the best that I can be
I choose to be authentic in everything I do
My past don’t dictate who I am
I choose
"I Choose" Testimony

Even the day after tomorrow will one day be yesterday
"This To Shall Pass" Testimony

I want to go to a place where I am nothing and everything
That exist between here and no where
I want to go to a place where
Time has no consequence
And oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayer
Please understand that it’s not that I don’t care
But right now these walls are closing in on me
I love you more than I love life itself
But I need to find a place where I can breathe
I wanna go to a place where I can hold the intangible
And let go of the pain that’s on my mind
I wanna go to place where I’m suspended in ectasy
Somewhere between dark and light
Where wrong becomes right.
***Please note that these aren't all of the lyrics for this song.
"Beautiful" Acoustic Soul

Early in the morning it’s the dawn of a new day
New hopes, new dreams, new ways
I open up my eyes and I open up my mind
I wonder how life will surprise me today
Early in the morning in it’s the dawn of a new day
New hopes, new dreams, new ways,
I open up my heart and
I’m gonna do my part and
Make this a positively beautiful day
"Beautiful Day" Testimony Vol 2 Love and Politics


I know that you don’t know me at all
But if you know yourself
Well then you know me very well
I wonder if you really knew
That I see the God in you
And I wonder if you can see
How much you mean to me
I know you cannot read my mind
But I know you feel the vibe
But I think it’s time to let you know that
I see the God in you
"God In You" Acoustic Soul

There will be more to come soon!

K. Denise

Shower Musings

So, I always have random lines that float through my head at the most inopportune times. This time it actually turned into a full poem.

Shower Musings

Steaming hot water
Mixing with red hot tears
While past mistakes
Conjure up present day fears
The pain of living life
Temporarily makes me immobile
The incessant beat of the water
Trying to move my heart from being comatosed
Trying to resuscitate the vitality
That used to be a natural part of being me
Before I start letting others tell me
How and why I should be
Not recognizing that they only wanted to change me
Because they couldn't understand what they could see
And it's not totally their fault
That they couldn't understand
You see because of old hurts I couldn't fulfill the demands
Of becoming a true friend
Sharing sacred thoughts
Hidden so deep within
This caused a lot of people
Some unnecessary confusion
That's when I determined that
Isolating myself was the necessary solution
To stop me from hurting them with my inability to share
To stop them from hurting me when they chose to no longer be there
But isolation on works for a little while
When doing life alone isn't really your style
But it's safe
Even if it hurts when the tears roll down my face
Now it's what I'm used to
So you tell me what I'm supposed to do!

Reality Check

So, I used to write poems and perfomr them on a fairly regular basis. I stopped doing that many, many moons ago. Well with the encouragement of some friends and a worthwhile cause I made it back to the stage. I performed this piece at a benefit for Haiti on February 28th. It was an amazing time. I thank God for the opportunity. Don't know that I'm ready to do it again, but I will at some point I'm sure. Happy reading folks!

What do you see when you look at me?
Is the sum total of my worth now equal to your pity.
At the end of the day I don’t need your charity
I don’t need you to sit back and feel sorry for the current situation in my city.
We had problems before January
And you didn’t care then
So don’t let a bunch of famous people who didn’t care all that much either
Convince you now that you should give
I’m not saying that we don’t need help
Because Lord knows that we do
But not because it makes you feel bad
Or in some instances makes you feel good
To say that you helped little ole Haiti.
Do it because you know that we are brothers and sisters
And you recognize that one day you might need help from me.
Yes, you might need me.
You see we are a strong people
Always have been
Always will be
Before you knew you could have your freedom
We kicked the French out of our country.
We may have been living in what you consider extreme poverty
But you weren’t doing too much better as far as our eyes could see
This statement might confuse you
Because of what you’ve seen on TV
But know that financial wealth is not the only thing that determines
The value of our country
Do you really know the joy of laughing so hard that your face hurts with friends?
The love that comes from sharing the little that you have with others
The bonds that are built when someone that is not your family
Takes you in and those people decide to become your Mom and Dad
These things are valuable beyond what you could possibly imagine
Greater worth than you can ever see
But it’s a part of the wealth that has always been present in the country of Haiti
So please remember, don’t pity me!
Some of you say that we deserve what happened to us
It was a curse because of some pact that we apparently made with Satan
Were you there when it happened?
Do you know that it’s true?
Or are you spreading 2nd, 3rd, and 4th hand information
About something of which you have no clue.
If this is the reason that we’ve had these experiences
Instead of pointing fingers you might want to be getting ready
Because the US may be next on the hit list.
Over 100,000 children caught up in child sex trafficking
Corruption in corporate America from sea to shining sea
Legal prostitution with brothels included located in these United States
The thousands of folks who can’t handle your Black President
Praying prayers of hate
Him + Him or Her + Her equal marriage in your state
Sounds to me like you have the perfect mix of sin
For the next catastrophic Earthquake
Or Tsunami
Or Hurricane
Or whatever form of punishment might be next on the list
Will you be so quick to point out the sins of the people
When it’s your child’s face on the television.
Or your mother crying
Or your brother dying
Or you’re the one carrying the bodies of those that you loved
Hoping and praying to find a friendly face or helping hand in the midst of the destruction.
Will God’s supposed judgment seem just and fair
When your life is the one that has been laid bare
And tomorrow holds no promise of anything that you believed would be there today.
Will you believe that God was just trying to make a way to get your attention.
Or will you just be praying that he has an ear that will listen
To your cries and do something to take away your pain
Hoping that no self righteous Christians have something judgmental to say
I am sure that you would pray for a kind face
A helping hand
Someone to help your rebuild everything that is no longer in place
Not caring if they were black or white because in moments of disaster there is only one race
Human
Please tell me that you have a solution
Of some kind
Words to help ease my mind
Even while knowing that all of my problems won’t go away over night
I really just want to know that you honestly care about my current plight.
That you love me unconditionally
That when the chips are down I can count on you to be there for me
Not just sit back and stare at me
Shaking your head
I want you to acknowledge that the blood the flows through my veins is just like yours RED
And that is all that really matters
If God truly created us all in his image
Made us neighbors in this worldwide village
Shouldn’t it make sense for you to shut your mouth and just help
Not pity me, but help me rebuild my sense of self
At the end of the day
Whether your decide to judge me or give
Justify my death or enable me to live
When you look at pictures of Haiti I want you to remember what you see
And hear the voice of Jesus say, “Whatever you do for the one of the least of these brothers of mine, you do for me.”

Kristin Denise